I'd rather do what I set out to do (be a musician) than work at Target.
Some people in my family think that I should "get a full-time job with benefits!" and that would just solve all money woes. Personally, I'd rather work 15 hours a week teaching than work 40 hours a week being a slave to a boss (like my job that I did earlier this summer) and wondering why I was trained as a musician since I never have the time or energy to be one.
Also - Yes, it would be nice to have health insurance, I definitely need it with the fibro. But these so-called "full-time jobs with benefits" vary quite a bit depending on what kind of job it is. I already applied to one that I wouldn't mind doing (being a public school teacher) but didn't get it, possibly because I'm not qualified (I don't have a credential). I'm not applying to work full-time at Target or Trader Joe's or Starbucks or any other place where I would hate my life and make the same amount of money as I could make teaching and performing (which I enjoy). Besides, the benefits probably are possible to get, but cost so much that I'd be working for $5 an hour instead of $10, therefore allowing me to have health insurance but not allowing me to be able to pay any of my bills... and making me so tired and sore (from fibro) that I don't have any time to find any other work to pay the bills.
So... leave me alone with this, I know it's scary but I know what I need to do.
P.S. I'm broke.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I quit that job and now am so much happier! I am hopeful about getting a much better job and feeling great again! I feel so much better today not slaving away at work being a waitress, busboy(girl), activity director, driver... way too much work for not much money. I really want to teach!! I love teaching. Who wants to learn? :)
Thursday, August 2, 2012
I'm weak
Wow. Rough day. Good thing I started this blog last night! The only good thing about today is that I don't have to be into work at 7am tomorrow... I can lounge around until 8! I'm in so much pain right now, I'd go to the ER if I thought they could do anything to help. Of course, I do have some vicodin, which I'll take if I can't sleep, but I hate taking it because it makes me super nauseous (that word is so hard to spell) and last time I took it it didn't even make the pain any better!! I should go to sleep soon, but I thought I'd update first, since it was such a noteworthingly bad day (as in, it was worthy of notes but I didn't get to play any!!!!).
My job is mostly to plan and lead activities with the clients at the adult daycare center. This includes music but is not limited to it. Because they're short-staffed, they also want me to "help" with making breakfast, cleaning, serving lunch, driving the van, etc. Well the girl who had been working longer than me and my other co-worker (who started at the same time I did), quit without warning recently. My co-worker absolutely refuses to drive the van because she gets too anxious and it gives her anxiety attacks. So guess who is left!!! Well, I don't like driving the van (I don't even know if it's legal in a liability sort of way for me to be driving it) but I've been doing it. Yesterday I drove for 3 hours picking everyone up and bringing them to the daycare center. That made me exhausted and it made my fibro flare for the rest of the day. Well today, all I did all day for 7 hours was drive!!! And now I'm ready to go to the ER but I know they wouldn't be able to help me. All it would do is give me a very expensive excuse for a day off of work...hmm...
So I drove this morning, picking up clients in Baltimore and bringing them to the daycare center. Most of them weren't ready, etc. but that went okay. Then, when I got back, they told me I had to drive two people to their doctor's appointments (in two seperate locations), and then go get another person and bring him to the center. One of the doctor's appointments was 20 minutes away so by the time I got back from doing all of that (after already driving), I was exhausted! And I had missed all of the "activity" time, which is my job. Well, after the nice boss (I have two) gave me some lunch, I had to back to the doctor's offices to pick up the two clients. On the way to the first one, the gas light came on in the van and I had to drive out of my way to find a gas station (which made me panic because I couldn't find one, and I had no idea how much gas would be left after the light went on since it's not my van). After that fiasco, I was running late and the second client (the one in Baltimore) was pissed. But that's not my fault.
Well, by the time I had gotten back from all of that driving, it was around 2pm, and I had started at 7. By this point, my fibro was in FULL flare. My knees were hurting so much that I could barely walk and my back was killing me ... and everything else like my elbows, hips, etc. When I got out of the car, one of my supervisors yelled to me "stay there, we need you to do drop-offs" (aka MORE driving). I could not physically do any more driving. Absolutely not. In fact, it would have been unsafe for me to do more driving at this point. But who else do they have?
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????" is what I yelled back. hahaha. Then I went inside and told the bosses I was exhausted and had been driving all day. Their response was to go yell at my co-worker for not driving. My bad on that one! The program director was freaking out but she ended up driving herself. My bosses were in the entranceway of the building talking to each other with the door closed. I went out and said "I'm sorry I can't drive, I'm just really exhausted from driving all day and also I have a syndrome where I hurt sometimes." The mean one said "How come you no tell us this?" (he's Russian). I said "Well.... because.... I thought you might think I'm weak." To which he replied, "But you ARE weak. And we need to know that because we depend on you."
Wow.
I am not weak!
Grr.
Ok I'm a little bit weak due to the fact that I have fibro. But I think driving for 7 hours with pain in both knees and lower back and shoulders and elbows doesn't not qualify me as weak. And "weak" implies it is your fault, which it is not.
Well I went back inside and then my co-worker and I ended up talking to the social worker, who is an older lady about how they are overworking us and how I have fibro etc etc and she was getting pissed off... so when my boss (the mean one) came back inside and said "what is going on here?" I said, "We're just talking," but SHE said "You need to work on your management skills, sir! You can't be overworking these ladies or they will quit!" and a bunch of other stuff which I can't remember because I was so shocked she said all that. So he said "Who are you, her lawyer?" and then to me, "If you have a problem, you come straight to me! Don't talk to her!" and I said "I DIDN'T TELL HER TO SAY ANY OF THAT!!!!!!!!!" and ran out (or rather, hobbled out) of the room and started to cry. Oh yeah, it's cuz I'm weak.
Well, they don't like crying. If I cry (which has happened one other time when he was being mean to me), they force me to hug them (cultural thing) and say "calm down." But today I was so exhausted and hurt that I was sent over the edge by all of that.
After that, I was told to go home... but wait, the story isn't over yet! I check my voice mail and it's my boss at my OTHER job, which is teaching at a music center, not to bother coming in any more because I'm not available for enough hours that she can offer to prospective students. Oh well I'm not sad about not working with her again, but my students were nice. And it was an hour away. Plus, I got to go home instead of there after work.
so... I need a job but this one is clearly not going to work out. They need me desperately though so I think I'll ask to reduce my hours before quitting. They need to hire more people, but that's a slow process I guess.
Maybe I will take that vicodin. oww.
I hope your day was better than mine!
My job is mostly to plan and lead activities with the clients at the adult daycare center. This includes music but is not limited to it. Because they're short-staffed, they also want me to "help" with making breakfast, cleaning, serving lunch, driving the van, etc. Well the girl who had been working longer than me and my other co-worker (who started at the same time I did), quit without warning recently. My co-worker absolutely refuses to drive the van because she gets too anxious and it gives her anxiety attacks. So guess who is left!!! Well, I don't like driving the van (I don't even know if it's legal in a liability sort of way for me to be driving it) but I've been doing it. Yesterday I drove for 3 hours picking everyone up and bringing them to the daycare center. That made me exhausted and it made my fibro flare for the rest of the day. Well today, all I did all day for 7 hours was drive!!! And now I'm ready to go to the ER but I know they wouldn't be able to help me. All it would do is give me a very expensive excuse for a day off of work...hmm...
So I drove this morning, picking up clients in Baltimore and bringing them to the daycare center. Most of them weren't ready, etc. but that went okay. Then, when I got back, they told me I had to drive two people to their doctor's appointments (in two seperate locations), and then go get another person and bring him to the center. One of the doctor's appointments was 20 minutes away so by the time I got back from doing all of that (after already driving), I was exhausted! And I had missed all of the "activity" time, which is my job. Well, after the nice boss (I have two) gave me some lunch, I had to back to the doctor's offices to pick up the two clients. On the way to the first one, the gas light came on in the van and I had to drive out of my way to find a gas station (which made me panic because I couldn't find one, and I had no idea how much gas would be left after the light went on since it's not my van). After that fiasco, I was running late and the second client (the one in Baltimore) was pissed. But that's not my fault.
Well, by the time I had gotten back from all of that driving, it was around 2pm, and I had started at 7. By this point, my fibro was in FULL flare. My knees were hurting so much that I could barely walk and my back was killing me ... and everything else like my elbows, hips, etc. When I got out of the car, one of my supervisors yelled to me "stay there, we need you to do drop-offs" (aka MORE driving). I could not physically do any more driving. Absolutely not. In fact, it would have been unsafe for me to do more driving at this point. But who else do they have?
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????" is what I yelled back. hahaha. Then I went inside and told the bosses I was exhausted and had been driving all day. Their response was to go yell at my co-worker for not driving. My bad on that one! The program director was freaking out but she ended up driving herself. My bosses were in the entranceway of the building talking to each other with the door closed. I went out and said "I'm sorry I can't drive, I'm just really exhausted from driving all day and also I have a syndrome where I hurt sometimes." The mean one said "How come you no tell us this?" (he's Russian). I said "Well.... because.... I thought you might think I'm weak." To which he replied, "But you ARE weak. And we need to know that because we depend on you."
Wow.
I am not weak!
Grr.
Ok I'm a little bit weak due to the fact that I have fibro. But I think driving for 7 hours with pain in both knees and lower back and shoulders and elbows doesn't not qualify me as weak. And "weak" implies it is your fault, which it is not.
Well I went back inside and then my co-worker and I ended up talking to the social worker, who is an older lady about how they are overworking us and how I have fibro etc etc and she was getting pissed off... so when my boss (the mean one) came back inside and said "what is going on here?" I said, "We're just talking," but SHE said "You need to work on your management skills, sir! You can't be overworking these ladies or they will quit!" and a bunch of other stuff which I can't remember because I was so shocked she said all that. So he said "Who are you, her lawyer?" and then to me, "If you have a problem, you come straight to me! Don't talk to her!" and I said "I DIDN'T TELL HER TO SAY ANY OF THAT!!!!!!!!!" and ran out (or rather, hobbled out) of the room and started to cry. Oh yeah, it's cuz I'm weak.
Well, they don't like crying. If I cry (which has happened one other time when he was being mean to me), they force me to hug them (cultural thing) and say "calm down." But today I was so exhausted and hurt that I was sent over the edge by all of that.
After that, I was told to go home... but wait, the story isn't over yet! I check my voice mail and it's my boss at my OTHER job, which is teaching at a music center, not to bother coming in any more because I'm not available for enough hours that she can offer to prospective students. Oh well I'm not sad about not working with her again, but my students were nice. And it was an hour away. Plus, I got to go home instead of there after work.
so... I need a job but this one is clearly not going to work out. They need me desperately though so I think I'll ask to reduce my hours before quitting. They need to hire more people, but that's a slow process I guess.
Maybe I will take that vicodin. oww.
I hope your day was better than mine!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Welcome to the first edition of fibro fog blog dog! Okay, so I don't have the fibro fog, or at least I don't think I do (wait...what am I writing about again???), but fibrofogblog just seemed too perfect, I mean... it RHYMES. But then when I went to create the blog, it was already taken!!!!! and I'm too lazy to check other blog creating sites. So... I added dog since I love dogs... and here we are.
I decided to create this blog to connect with other people interested in fibromyalgia, but also to vent and talk about life to friends who might be interested. I am trying to refrain from posting overly detailed or upsetting facebook statues (though sometimes I break this rule), because I think with the absence of a "dislike" button, people don't know what to say (which is fine). So... if you are interested in reading about my life and my struggles and non-strugglies (as I call them) (as of now), then read on :)
...
We just moved here (Baltimore area) a little more than a month ago and I'd say we're doing alright! I have a teaching gig (that only is like 2.5 hours of work so far, but hopefully will grow) and a full-time job (but no benefits, so don't get too excited), and Joe has been going to play jazz every night in Baltimore and D.C. and has gotten some students too. This is my third week working at my full-time job, and at first I really liked it, but now it's kind of like, I like some of it but I really dislike some of it too. But for being a job, it's not too bad (I mean compared with working at Marshalls!). The part I like about it is that I get to play music for people who have never seen a viola before (and are adults) (and they still call it violin), and who have had really bad lives (like their son has been shot on the street) and/or who have physical disabilities (and pain, which I relate to!) and sometimes mental disabilities (including one that can't read or write). And most of them really appreciate it and it makes me feel really great, much more so than performing for a bunch of classical nerds who are counting mistakes! Also, I get to improvise and play music that I wouldn't normally play but can totally sight-read, like pop music and jazz standards (I only play the tunes... I'm not brave enough to try to solo yet). And I get to talk to them and hear their stories and see where they live and experience a darker side of life that I normally wouldn't experience and try to make it lighter. Oh and I get to sing karaoke and lead bingo games and lead auctions and stuff. All of that is great!
The not-so-great parts are the driving of the van, which sometimes lasts 3 hours! which makes my fibro flare like CRAZY (and then I still have to work really fast! and accurately! at being waitress and dishes-cleaner, which also makes my fibro flare).
Anyway, I best be going to bed because I have to be at work at 7am which means that I have to wake up at 5am. Which is freaking early.
I went to a chiropractor today who seems good and he seems like he can help. But I will write more on that later. I hurt really bad all over from work and he managed to make it slightly better so that's good I suppose.
peace
I decided to create this blog to connect with other people interested in fibromyalgia, but also to vent and talk about life to friends who might be interested. I am trying to refrain from posting overly detailed or upsetting facebook statues (though sometimes I break this rule), because I think with the absence of a "dislike" button, people don't know what to say (which is fine). So... if you are interested in reading about my life and my struggles and non-strugglies (as I call them) (as of now), then read on :)
...
We just moved here (Baltimore area) a little more than a month ago and I'd say we're doing alright! I have a teaching gig (that only is like 2.5 hours of work so far, but hopefully will grow) and a full-time job (but no benefits, so don't get too excited), and Joe has been going to play jazz every night in Baltimore and D.C. and has gotten some students too. This is my third week working at my full-time job, and at first I really liked it, but now it's kind of like, I like some of it but I really dislike some of it too. But for being a job, it's not too bad (I mean compared with working at Marshalls!). The part I like about it is that I get to play music for people who have never seen a viola before (and are adults) (and they still call it violin), and who have had really bad lives (like their son has been shot on the street) and/or who have physical disabilities (and pain, which I relate to!) and sometimes mental disabilities (including one that can't read or write). And most of them really appreciate it and it makes me feel really great, much more so than performing for a bunch of classical nerds who are counting mistakes! Also, I get to improvise and play music that I wouldn't normally play but can totally sight-read, like pop music and jazz standards (I only play the tunes... I'm not brave enough to try to solo yet). And I get to talk to them and hear their stories and see where they live and experience a darker side of life that I normally wouldn't experience and try to make it lighter. Oh and I get to sing karaoke and lead bingo games and lead auctions and stuff. All of that is great!
The not-so-great parts are the driving of the van, which sometimes lasts 3 hours! which makes my fibro flare like CRAZY (and then I still have to work really fast! and accurately! at being waitress and dishes-cleaner, which also makes my fibro flare).
Anyway, I best be going to bed because I have to be at work at 7am which means that I have to wake up at 5am. Which is freaking early.
I went to a chiropractor today who seems good and he seems like he can help. But I will write more on that later. I hurt really bad all over from work and he managed to make it slightly better so that's good I suppose.
peace
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